The Cops Are Investigating Justin Bieber For Driving Like A Crazy Bitch

Because I grew up in Southern California, I learned how to drive before I learned that shitting in the tub is not a good idea. ("Didn't you just learn the latter like a week ago?" - you "Good point." - me) In kindergarten, I learned the laws of the road before I learned how to write my full name. There was a little track in the kindergarten playground and for about 30 minutes a day, all us little kids would drive around it on Big Wheels. The teachers and aides would stand at different point...

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