A Poor Child Gets To Call These Two A-Holes "Daddy" And "Mommy"

As the eldest Lohan, Lindsay Lohan, made her 4,954th court appearance this morning, Michael Lohan's Garbage Pail Kid-looking ass girlfriend birthed out the now youngest Lohan in a Florida hospital. It just had to be Florida. Hasn't Florida been through enough? Last July, Kate Major and Michael Lohan announced that they stopped throwing punches at each other long enough to do bareback sex and make a baby that they'll eventually trade for a stack of mesh shirts and a bottle of apple...

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