All Hail The Return Of The Keeper Of The Unicorns

Here's Robert Pattinson stoically standing in a junkyard to summon the tiny unicorns back to his enchanted forest hair. That's not grease and oily build-up covering his tendrils, that's the syrupy nectar tiny unicorns secrete when they rub their haunches against his wisps of hair. That's not sparkly dandruff stuck up in there, that's unicorn sperm. Here's RPattz looking ridiculous in L'Uomo Vogue and the mop on his head is so damn high that if the angels hung t...

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