Water relief. The hosepipe ban is switched off, just when we need it least | Stuart Jeffries

My hosepipe will still rest easy, after this plague of anti-jubilee rain. But what will Rod Stewart and other ban flouters do now?Of all the many detumescent things in the neighbourhood, my garden hose has been the most limp this year. It's been at rest throughout the spring like an out-of-work actor, unused for one of two reasons. First, I wasn't allowed to use it. Thames Water issued a diktat stipulating that any gardener found using a hosepipe would be punished by crack troops from the water ...

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